We Few, We Merry Few, We Band Of Cashiers

With enormous apologies to the Bard.

RETAIL EMPLOYEE. O that we now had here
But one ten thousand of those men in the USA
That do no work to-day!

MANAGER. What's he that wishes so?
My own employees? No, my team;
If we are mark'd to work, we are enow
To earn our company profit; and if to live,
The fewer workers, the greater share of honour.
God's will! I pray thee, wish not one cashier more.
By Jove, I am covetous for gold,
I care who doth feed upon my cost;
It yearns me if men my garments do not wear;
Such outward things dwell in my desires.
And if it be a sin to covet honour,
I am the most offending soul alive.
No, faith, cashier, wish not a man from home.
God's peace! I would not lose so great an honour
As one man more methinks would share from me
For the best hope I have. O, do not wish one more!
Rather proclaim it, team member, through my host,
That he which hath no stomach to this day,
Let him depart; his holiday time shall be approved,
And payment for time off put into his purse;
We would not work in that man's company
That fears his fellowship to work with us.
This day is call'd the Black Friday.
He that works this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam'd,
And rouse him at the name of Black Friday.
He that shall work this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on Thanksgiving feast his neighbours,
And say 'To-morrow is Black Friday.'
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,
And say 'These wounds I had on Black Friday.'
Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember, with advantages,
What feats he did that day. Then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words-
Wall-Mart, Target and K-Mart,
Best Buy and Sears, Pottery Barn and Dillards-
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb'red.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Black Friday shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And cashiers in America now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That worked with us upon Black Friday.